Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
