I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
