So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
