i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I love you. Go after that dick
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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