It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
