i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
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