batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
