Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
