Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
