I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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