I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
