You're my little dorito
I'm lost and stupid without you.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
