I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
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