Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Randomize
