I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
