Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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