At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
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