Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
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