dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
