I didn't shave. On purpose
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
