"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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