i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
