i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
