Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
