They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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