Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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