Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
