I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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