just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
