Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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