everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
