i jhust puked up my retainher.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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