How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I AM VODKA MAN
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
