guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
