Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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