you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize