last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
