woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
