so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
