My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
