My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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