I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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