It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
