I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Panties = found
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
