if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
