Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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