i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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