What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
