Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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