If i could tip my vagina, i would.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
