your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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