I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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