jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
