i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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