Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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