i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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