I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
