All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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