this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
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