this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize