I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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