I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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