she woke up with a sticky ear
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
tell me about the eggs
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize