I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
