My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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