Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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