Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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