So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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