do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
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