I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
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