The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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