I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
