Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
